The Edge Of Madness

Yes, you've read that right.

My wife has given me an STD.

Now that you've picked your jaw off the floor, here's the story....

I've been throwing up after 2 beers. (And yes that didn't stop me drinking, 4 days straight I was throwing up after a couple of after work bevvies). And I've been pissing every 5 minutes.

So after a fortnight of this, I dragged my arse into the Doc's.

Slightly worried I was going to get a finger up the butt (prostate = pissing), but thankfully all I had to do was piss in a cup.

The verdict? UTI (Urinary Tract Infection). Girls get it at the drop of a hat, but for guys it's a little more tricky (the extra plumbing in the way). The 3 main ways for a bloke getting it is

• Homosexual Sex
• Sex with an infected woman
• Sticking a catheter up there

So since I ain't shagged a guy, ain't shagged another woman, or stuck a tube up my cock, I've been blaming Lana.

Yes I know it's technically not an STD, but I've been having great fun dropping into conversation my wife gave me an STD and watching people's faces. At the pub on thursday I was even being fed lines to drop that one. Highly humorous.

BTW, it's no biggy, on antibiotics for a week, if it don't clear up, then I might have gallstones or something more painful, but I'll worry about that then.