The Edge Of Madness

I'll prob upload some pics later.

So Lana was off to Antalya, Turkey to meet a mate of hers. I decided to tag along. As well, one of my mates came along to meet Lana's mate (they had been chatting for a while).

But to the trip itself.

Was painful to try and get a direct flight to Antalya. Managed it, with Thomas Cook. Who sucked dogs balls. £12 extra so we could sit together. Plus it was a package holiday flight, so full of kids and chavs. And I didn't realise how far out Stansted airport was from London. But anyway, that's just the flight, not that important.

Get to the airport. Go up to pay for visa into Turkey. On an Aussie passport you can't pay in Pounds or Turkish Lire. Only Euro or US Dollars. So took about 15 minutes to pay by credit card. Weird. Everyone else in the queue could pay by pounds.

Through customs. First strange thing. The bloke spoke perfect Russian and erratic English. Thought it was amusing that Lana, who has a Russian name, had an Aussie passport. Which it turns out a lot of others did as well. So they all thought Lana was a mail order bride. Oh well.

I'll spoil a little. Turns out Antalya is a purely Russian holiday destination. Most people there don't speak English, but speak Russian fine. As an Aussie, I was a bit of an oddity.

Now to the resort. Turns out this was an all inclusive resort. All food and booze included. Never been to one of these before. Place was also huge. 4 odd pools, own private beach. And full of Russians.

Russians are rather amusing to watch on holiday. They like their discos. We went on a boat tour, and halfway through, they broke out the disco. Also their swim fashions are about 20 years behind the times. Men like budgie smugglers, women g-strings. And normally 50 year old men and women. I enjoyed taking pictures of lana and trying to fit in some budgie smugglers in the background (hence I will post up pics later).

Also we ran into a few 50 year old men, with 20 year old girlfriends. And a few older men with a bodyguard or 2 tailing after them. Lana literally stepped on the toes of one of the bodyguards accidently, and got a rather strange look Played a game about who could find the couple with the greatest age difference. 30 was the best we found.

Also a few of the Russians we chatted to were rather snobby. But then again, we found out later we had booked into the poshest place in town. Some of them were cool though.

Food was good, some with a russian twist. Beer was shite. But free. At the bar once, ordered a beer. Bloke at the bar heard me speaking english and started up a conversation with me. Then he started bagging out Russians, and how the resort was full of them. Amused me to tell him I was married to a Russian.

They also slapped on a wristband to track who was allowed in the resort. I promptly ripped it off. Out of curiosity I checked who else had ripped it off, but couldn't find anyone else. I got checked once by this weird security guard coming in once, and that was it.

Decided to walk into town. Turns out the town was about 30 minute drive away. Walked for about an hour with Lana whinging before we caught a bus.

Town was okay, I bought a £2 watch as the batteries in my other one went flat. Pretty good watch, even though 2 of the hands are painted on.

Checked out the museum, which was okay.

With the massive Russian prescence, being a way out of town, and having free food and booze in the resort, holiday was more of being in Russia than experiencing anything Turkish.

Went on a boat ride and a jeep ride. Jeep ride was shite. Jeep broke down halfway, so we got towed for most of it. Plus they told us we could drive the jeeps when we booked, but that wasn't how it turned out. I'm still waiting for a tour that lives up to what they sell it as. Best crap is still the randomness. I hate organised tours, but lana likes them.

But all said and done, was a nice 30 degrees and sunny for the trip. My head hurt from russian being spoken everywhere. I started dreaming in russian, even though I can only speak about a dozen words.

But came back drunk, warm and tanned, so can't complain.

And fuck, I've got to post more again. I just read through this blog post, and it's way too stilted and disjointed. Got to get back into practice.